When I left the apartment this morning I was prepared to see the leftovers of last night's revelry strewn about the building. At some point last night I had started to hear loud thumps and voices coming from upstairs. Being a saturday night I wasn't too surprised and was willing to let it slide - providing of course that the sounds ceased before I had to turn my light out. Of course, I was not in luck. The sounds only got louder, and in fact seemed to increase and split off, coming from more than one direction. A group of voices congregated in the foyer of the building, which just happens to be under our balcony. Loud crashes and laughter and a call from our upstairs neighbor asking if J would please come upstairs because she was afraid that the little shits horsing around up there were going to break her door down. Thankfully, the landlady called the cops and they left before it got to be too late.
Thats why, this am, I was careful when I locked the door behind me. Sure enough, the elevator had crushed cigarette butts and what was left of someone's beer making the floor sticky. The foyer contained a spent fire extinguisher and bent mailboxes and outside in the bus stop there were beer bottles and cans. In fact as I went down the street there were some at each stop.
Work sucked, as per usual.
It was cold, and rainy and miserable and still dark by the time I left. Cinder has been sucky all night because she hates the wind. Poor kitty. Lucky for me I like the kitty cuddles today.
In the last six months I've become familiar with more kinds of migraines than I'd care to admit. I tend to blame the stress level I've achieved since working at the call center. They seem to be falling into categories, which I've made up between exasperating and hair-pulling calls.
1) The Temple Spike: You may be familiar with this, where a single spike of pain stabs into your head through one of your temples and throbs for hours.
2) The Burning Eyeball: This is the one where the pain arcs behind my eye sockets so badly I fear my eyes are going to fall right out of my head.
3) The Fog: This is often not accompanied by much in the way of pain, though sometimes I'm not so lucky. However, its main disoncerting feature is the fact that I can't actually see anything for the rippling fog that overtakes my vision.
4) Ring of Danging Elephants: I think this is self-explanatory, as it feels like there is a ring of elephants or trolls dancing around the crown of my head, threatening to crack my skull into many pieces.
5) The Dual Spike: Where there are two spikes of pain, and not neccessarily at the temples that threaten to stab right out the other side.
6) The Sinus Invasion: Does the term "my face hurts" mean anything to you? Yeah, this is commonly affiliated with the sinus cold, but lately I've not had the pleasure of runny noses to accompany this little treasure.
7) The Vampire: light sensitive anyone? Where any or all of the above are accompanied by extreme sensitivity to light and/or noise.
I voted today. Won't say for who, because that will undoubtedly cause the appearance of hate mail in my inbox. I have to say I've been thoroughly disgusted by the many "debates" and ad campaigns I've seen on TV this time around; maybe I'm just more aware of it this time, but these politians spent more time bashing each other than they did talking about why we should elect them to office - and when they did they made unrealistic promises. I realise that's the name of the game, but it made voting harder than it should have been. I almost just closed my eyes and picked one at random. Almost.
Work sucked today. I will be glad when I can find something else. Keep your fingers crossed for me, that there will be an email in my inbox in the next couple of days about an interview. At least!
edit Oh... and did I mention that the NDP called my house at dinner time, not once, but three times when I told the woman the first time that it was none of her business who I was voting for!
Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life ~Kennel Attendant (sounds better than Shoveller of Poop) ~Retail Sales Associate ~Nanny ~Customer Service Representative
Four Places You've Lived ~a house ~an apartment ~a basement suite ~a boat
Four TV Shows You Love To Watch ~Alias ~Grey's Anatomy ~NCIS ~Desperate Housewives
Four Places You've Been On Vacation ~Greece ~England ~Germany ~Italy
[Aaaand, my lovely host and Naomi, but I visit them more than once a day in hopes that they've posted something fun ;)]
Four Of Your Favourite Foods ~steak and mashed potatoes. ~apples or plums right off the tree ~J's cabbage rolls. ~chicken
Four Places You'd Rather Be ~Mykonos ~Venice ~a beach ~bed
Four Albums You Can't Live Without ~Massive Attack - Mezzanine ~Conjure One (self titled) ~Delerium - Semantic Spaces and Karma ~Goldfrapp - Black Cherry
Four Vehicles You've Owned ~I've only ever owned one: 1983 Honda Civic
Four People To Be Tagged I'll get back to you on this one... if you want to do it, go ahead!
Khali: cake! Lindsie: ya! Lindsie: I'm a fan. Are you a fan? Khali: totally Lindsie: ya with icing. Lindsie: haven't had any for a while Lindsie: perhaps I'll make Khali: ooh! what fun Lindsie: With icing. Lindsie: Yum Lindsie: Sometime Lindsie: have to do laundry too Lindsie: I think I'll make myself a birthday cake sometime before my birthday. Khali: but that can happen together.... or at least semi-simultaneous Lindsie: it's like "chocolate cake" Lindsie: or "marble cake" Khali: A pre-birthday cake Lindsie: "birthday cake" Khali: hehe Lindsie: This is a good idea. Lindsie: yes. Lindsie: I might even go ahead with it Khali: I don't see why you wouldn't Lindsie: Cause I have things to do otherwise Khali: true Khali: ha! you could have it all to yourself even! Lindsie: ahhhh! Lindsie: Fatso Lindsie they'd call me Khali: not all at once! Lindsie: FATSO LINDSIE! Khali: ok then. Share Lindsie: what is this "share"? you speak of? Khali: uhm.... I think it means that you give part of the cake to someone else Lindsie: hmmmmm Lindsie: I think I understand.... Khali: kind of foreign isnt' it? Lindsie: So I'd eat the whole cake in front of you? Khali: nono, apparenlty you'd let me eat some of it. rather than me stealing a portion Lindsie: I'd just *give* you some? Khali: yes. Khali: give Khali: and then I'd eat it Khali: at the same time Lindsie: WHAT! Lindsie: DON'T EAT MY CAKE! Khali: but, see... if you've *given* it to me it's not *yours* anymore Lindsie: *oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!* Khali: or you could just eat the whole thing in front of me and forget about the whole concept Lindsie: YAY! Lindsie: We'll have such fun! Khali: well, you will. Khali: I'll just have to sneak bits Lindsie: Oi! Khali: ;)
I'm back to work now, after several days of feeling like complete and utter crap with a stomach bug of a magnitude I've not encountered since that one summer in Nanaimo when I was a nanny and had been forced to crawl to the bathroom from the bedroom to lose my breakfast because I was too dizzy to stand up.
Of course, now it feels like I'm getting my yearly bout with strep throat, so I still feel gross and I can only contribute it to the fact that I work in a germ-infested cesspit. My immune system is already shot because I'm emotionally drained over the fact that I'm stuck in a soul-sucking atmosphere for a large portion of my week. Seriously, when I get home it's all I can do to sit upright sometimes. Thought I might have had a shot at another job, but it looks like I've blown another interview, so feeling down about that as well and spending too much time wondering where the fuck I screwed up.
Not just in the interview either. I feel stuck. I'm suspended between school and this career I was supposed to have at the end of it, going back to school and trying to figure out where all the other things I want from life are supposed to fit. (On top of the crap job and a wierd self-imposed isolation.) Not to mention this grey, grey, grey, rain, rain, rain isn't helping.
So. Got to thinking about control, and about how people try and cope with feeling out of control. Some people eat, (or don't) because that's something they can control, when everything else is out of their hands. Some people organise things - perhaps in a slightly OC manner.
That thought made me remember my grandfather's workshop. He was so tidy that he'd saved coffee tins, painted them all cream colour and labelled them with a sharpie and then built a special shelving unit to house them in so that he could sort all the nuts, bolts, nails and screws and things in a uniform manner. Everything had a place and he always swept up the shavings when he was done.
My mother makes lists and prioritises by the things she can do things about and the things she can't.
My Aunt tries to organise other people's lives.
...and I realised that I used to clean. I used to reorganize my writing, or alphabetize my books or something, but recently I've just shut off. (Somehow it's not quite my space to organise, if you know what I mean - I don't know why I feel that way... perhaps because of the idea we may be leaving?) I've buried myself in books or WoW and and I've shoved everything to the back burner. My procrastination has become phenomenal so that everything is heaping up.
I think it's time to take out some paper and try my mother's method, eh? There has to be a solution to this stagnance somewhere.
This tune, however, is making me feel pretty groovy. And I will play it as much as I want, hon. I know it bugs the shit out of you, but dammit, I needs me some groove!
So far I'm not hugely impressed, but I'm reserving judgement for next December.
I'm feeling a little better today, but the funk's still hanging over my head like the black bellies of storm clouds. What makes it better is the fact that I have new music, its nice and dancey and fun. Madonna's new one (Confessions on the Dancefloor), and I finally downloaded some Royksopp, which I've seen Karnov listens to frequently.
So. The house, for the first time this year, is relatively clean. Whoo!
Now, if only I could get Nero to Install, I'd be a happy munchkin!
