I was almost late for work this am, because I can't seem to tell time when I'm absorbed in reading something, or watching the latest episode of whatever it is I've recently downloaded.

Because of this lack of time-keeping ability I missed my regular bus and had to clip it down the hill to catch another that sort of went the same way and hope to the gods that I'd be on time. I managed to read a little of Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs that I picked up from the library and nearly guffawed out loud. The woman has a decidedly quirky outlook on life - and some turns of phrase that reminded me a bit of the fabulous Lindsie.

However, I couldn't settle - the damage was done and my early morning distraction set the tone for the entire day. It was busy and I spent most of the day trying to play catch up from the last project when another one would come along.

So. Tired!

listening to Royksopp - Fusion's Alright

OMG it's Towel Day!

Have you ever....
(Bold the ones you've done)

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records - By genre, artist then album (and my books - I was very bored that day)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it (I regret nothing)
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (if you subsitute 'D&D' with 'role-playing game', this works)
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason (from my mother)
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off (who would really answer this?)
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone (almost)
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror.
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children.
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy.
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did (They founded a dockyard in this very city - and its kind of an historical site here - I suppose that's kind of significant)
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse - (You're using coconuts!)
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school (this would imply that I had ever stopped)
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes.
180. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read some or all of the works
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them (hey, I needed a saltshaker!)
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (I do this every day)
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via the internet
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested.

Hrm... how many is that? 74?

listening to: Daughter Darling - Dust in the Wind

Ugh... I hate being sick! I spent a large portion of yesterday attempting to cough up at least half a lung and I fear that today will be a repeat performance. L, the boss laughed at how I said "have a nice day" to people yesterday - she found it amusing that I was saying it even though I had only partially given any of themwhat they wanted (they all wanted smaller bills and I gave them 50's because that was what I had) and they were grumpy because of it. She's Chinese, and I equate it with her being able to say "fuck-you very much" in such a way that it sounds convincingly like it's her accent messing with "thank-you very much".

I have a cool new boss!

Saturday I went upisland to visit with the family. Cousin D was in pretty good spirits because his kids had picked up pretty much where they left off with him, which is pretty good after a five year "hiatus" - that's right five years. We ate, my other cousin got loudly drunk (and somehow managed to tell me I needed a makeover and that she wanted to nominate me for "what not to wear") and everyone avoided the "real" stuff like good little englishpeople. By that I mean no one really addressed why he'd been gone so long, but some were not above a couple of barbs here and there. Anyway, I don't really care how long it's been, all that matters to me is that he's here, and he's on the upswing, which is awsome. I hugged him as many times as I could and I hope that means something.

In other news: I have been invited to another wedding. I got the invite in the mail not too long ago and I keep staring at the RSVP envelope with some form of trepidation. I think it's mostly because its from an ex - who, admittedly, I was not vey nice to - which makes things just a tad odd for me. I have to make up my mind soon though, about whether I'm going to go - I just don't want to go by myself.

J's doing better. Somewhere between when I posted last and this weekend he's decided to find a different job. The decision alone has changed his mood. It's amazing how that works, lol.

I am so neglecting blogland lately!

Shame on me!

Truth be told, I keep scribbling little notes to myself in regards to things I should/could blog about, but by the time I get home I just have no energy to make my brain do creative things. Money's tight, as per usual, which makes me anxious and I'm continually trying to sort out how best to spend what I've got to make ends meet. It doesn't help that I feel like a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest either - I'm missing a vital conduit of input here. I can't peg a solution for that as of yet and that's only serving to contribute to my stress level, which is not what I was wanting to deal with right now.

J seems stuck in neutral these days and I don't mean just because he works at The Evil Place still. As much as he hates it he can't seem to get enough momentum to actually do anything about it and ends up not going for days at a time. (Are you doing the math here? I am.)

I find myself working my insides into knots over the bills and being angry about the fact that I have to spend my birthday money on a bill again rather than on a pair of pants for work. And then I get angry at J for something stupid (usually something he said he'd do and didn't, or something - you know, nit-picky) and we never actually get to the root of anything. I feel like he makes up his mind about something before we even get into the argument, so that nothing I say will penetrate - or that he really doesn't think about anything I do have to say about the situation because nothing ever changes.

Ugh... now I'm all zitty and I keep screwing up at work and I feel like I'm talking to myself more than anyone else and it's obvious the cats don't give a rat's ass so long as thier fed.



My cousin is coming to visit next weekend too - which could be interesting in any number of ways since no one has seen him in at least a year. More for me because I have no life. It's been hell just getting his snail mail address and no one seems to want to talk about how he is. Knowing my extended family and its strange code of silence, this means he's not doing as well as he should be. Of course, this makes me more determined to beg, borrow and rummage in the couch cushions for bus fare home.

So: generally "self-absorbed" recently and have as a result I've made a very good job of being a bad friend. Worker. Ok, bad everything.

At least I changed the litter box. I'm still a good Cat Mommy.

Today I get to spend some time with the amazing Lindsie!

Oh, and Library too!

Ok, I needed a break.

I spent so much time in the last little while - ok, most of the last month adjusting to a new schedule, new work, new co-workers and such and wishing I could just get a day to myself to recharge my brain - but now that I know that's not going to happen anytime soon, I've had to suck it up. Of course, this has increased the chance of a mental overload, but I just have to make do with the two hours before work from now on. It's been a thing with me since I was a kid, that everyone once in a while I'd need a day with nothing planned to reorganize my brain; to regroup and spend some time reordering and filing the previous week's events and preparing for the next. Often this would include writing out any kind of fragments of poetry and fiction that had accumulated in my head over the previous week. So far, my writing has amounted to three pages of fiction and one poem - an all-time low for the last month.

I've not managed to have a day to collect for the last month. I was getting the weekends off, and J had his Friday/Saturday off... which should have rendered Sundays as my regroup days, but J's managed to stay home on every one of the Sundays but the first. And now his shift change has gone through, so that he gets weekends off anyway. (I can see why, I don't think I'd be able to go to the Evil Place if I knew my other half didn't have to go to work that day. It would be more hellish than neccessary.) My ability to do this regrouping thing is hampered by his presence for the simple fact that I can't completely zone him out. (And it makes no difference if it's him, or any other person I might be living with, it goes back to my childhood when the teachers had to think of new ways to get me to focus. When it was my mom, it was easy, because she'd go into the garden for most of the day, or be quietly sewing and watching tv and she didn't need to engage me to keep herself occupied. Granted, J has WoW - which sometimes absorbs him too much - so it's really my inability to 'multitask' I think that causes this irrational irritation I've been feeling part of the week.)

Don't get me wrong, I love my Bear, but a girl sometimes needs her space.

As a result I've been playing escapism in some good novels, Grey's Anatomy and WoW and completely ignoring everything else. I suppose I was saving up for one of those 'me' days, but given my realization that that won't happen, I've had to make the mental shift to accomodate. Here's hoping it works, lol!

This weekend, my mother is coming to help me celebrate my Happy 27, and I think I've decided to stay 27 for a few years. =P

One of the things I have to get used to at work is my self-consiousness. I'm so not high-maintenance that when I encounter someone who spends a lot of time on their appearance, I feel the differences in more than one way. I start to notice the small things that normally don't bother me - like the fact that my hands are pretty dry. These are things I should probably start paying attention to, and not just because other people I work woth are obsessed over it, but because I'm getting older and I should be taking better care of things like that. And, of course, the clothes. My boss is this petite Chinese woman who looks good in everything she puts on. Beside her I feel overlarge and underdressed.

I do like the fact that I work ina place where I can see the harbour though. I can see the sun and talk to real people (even though I've heard some fantastically stupid things from the tourists now and then, they only serve to brighten my day).

Listening to: Apoptygma Berzerk - Suffer in Silence