And here I go again... I wonder if the entire world is a little squirrelly from this repetition we call the work week?

listening to: What Else is There - Röyksopp

Home from work and listening to music today, rather than the blare of the stupid TV. J has it on all the time, and loud. I think he's going deaf. It was a busy freaking day. The internet went offline so that we ended up having to do handbills... ugh. Lucky for me though that it was over my lunch hour and Mom had come, so we went out to eat. That was rather lovely.

I made the mistake of listening to a few songs before work today and as a result I've had this one line stuck in my head all day - which isn't bad, it put me in a better mood than I might otherwise have been. I also wrote the start of what might be a chapter or a spinoff to HIWTHI, because somehow Gage Enterprises snuck in there and these new characters were living in the same universe as my usual "protags" (thank you Lindsie). Anyway, I was thinking I could probably write a short story from these lyrics. I've got one on the go to Placebo's 'Pure Morning' atm... hard to write with so much crap going on in the background though! Will see if I can steal some moments at work tomorrow too.

listening to: Jamiroquai - Electric Mistress

"Why do I feel this way
Why do I feel this way
When you're dancing in a trance
Your love tonight I'd take
Trying to get through to you
Baby, your red alert
I want you more and more
I want you so much it hurts

You seem so disconnected
But when I turn you on you're so effective
Pretty Polly's my electric mistress
When she's freakin' like a maniac
(She's my aphrodisiac)

Baby I can't pretend
Baby I can't pretend
There's a maniac and it's you
You're a slave to every groove
There's something in your eyes
You're not free to say
What am I going to do
You keep me on a string

You seem so disconnected
But when I turn you on you're so effective
Pretty Polly's my electric mistress
When she's freakin' like a maniac
(She's my aphrodisiac)

Why do I feel this way
Why do I feel this way
Why do I feel this way
Why do I feel this way
When you're dancing in a trance
How your love tonight I'd take

Mom's coming down again tomorrow. She's going to visit an Auntie in the hospital again. She's had surgery and several assessments. Yet another elder is facing the prospects of a retirement home. Ah, euphemisms. We're so good at not talking about things these days. Well, I suppose it has improved from the last generation, where you pretended that people didn't even have bodily functions let alone desires or problems. Oh no. My family can be very good at not talking about things even while they fill the room with words. Why can't we call things like we see them? Too sensitive, too easily outraged by what other people will think when it really doesn't matter two shits what someone else thinks. So: retirement home is a euphemism for the last stop before death; the place people stick their elders because they don't have the time or resources to care for them properly. Once there it's too easy to forget about them. I'm partially relieved that my grandmother never had to endure life in one of those places. I'm sure that many of them are very nice, and that there are many people who visit their elders on a regular basis from more than a sense of guilt or obligation. I know Auntie will be one of these, but I've seen enough of these places in my life to know that there are many elders who are merely abandoned there. Probably out of a sense of guilt, or an acute if unconsious fear of aging and death in the younger generations. Anyway, mom made an offhand comment about my having to oversee her installment in a place like that when she was old and I retorted that I thought she'd be far too vigourous to ever need a place like that. I pondered my response and I think it's mostly attributable to my experiences with seniors' homes, and with the residents who'd come to the mall on the weekly bus just so they could come and talk to the salesgirls in the stores because they were so lonely. I.E. one of my regulars, I'll call her Norma. The only family she had was her husband, who had been vegetative for seven years, and a son who was basically MIA and never showed up for the holidays. She'd come in to say hello, even after her stroke and I'd often go for coffee with her just because. Since I left the mall though, I've lost touch. I don't want anyone in my family to feel that lonely and thinking of Auntie having to go to one of these places, especially when she's never seen it, and without being able to go home and say goodbye to her house and her critters beforehand just makes me sad.

J's having issues with the former business partner, who called out of the blue this week. He's spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the man wants. He must want something, because he's a manipulative little twat who will only do something if he thinks he can get something for himself out of it. It seems also that teen angst has hit the kidlet as well, which is causing him to worry about her too. He's also become obsessed with that TV spinoff of Buffy recently. =P

Work has merely been repetitive recently, which is something to be a little thankful for, since it gives me time to let all the new things I've learned settle in. But by the time I come home I feel so drained I don't feel like doing much of anything.

listening to: Gorillaz - Dare

I feel like my face has melted off and its now stuck in the keys of my keyboard. Apparently we've hit a heat record here in the last two days and I freaking believe it. We've had the fan on, but it doesn't seem to help make it cooler at all so I finally broke down and stuck my head under the tap in the tub. Twice.

Yeah.

Sad that that seems to be my big news for the past... month. Seems all I do is work and sleep, work and sleep.

Oh and we've got to find a new place to live since our new landpeople want to evict all their pet owning tenants. Bastards.

Watched the Canada Day fireworks last night and they were pretty cool. I usually like the masses of people, am entertained by the outfits and drunken shenanegins, but this time I just found myself being irritated. Perhaps a result of being inundated with stupid people at work. There I go again, being uncharitable - but seriously, you'd think tourists would take a few minutes to find out something about the country they're vacationing to - at the very least that they're not going to get change in thier own currency. You'd think.

So.

I'm working. I get up early. I log onto the computer and check my email. get ready. Go work for 9 hours, come home to last night's dishes, J and hungry kitties. J's been looking for work recently, and prospects look promising for him to go back to school. The man has so much potential I hope this works for him.

For some reason I feel very tired. There's always something to do or to catch up on and I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. Not like it was when I was in school - or at least it felt less like a heaping mountain on my back. For some reason those deadlines were easier to keep - probably because it was something I wanted - a tangible goal. But I don't understand why I can't seem to stay on top of things now - why I feel like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, as an online friend remarked just yesterday. I thought it was an apt description for how I was feeling. Perhaps a lack of a goal?

There's definately and imbalance here somewhere.

I've worked overtime this week and last week because one of the girls quit out of the blue. So two weeks with only one day off. Hopefully next weekend I get my two days. Or I might crack.

Mom came to visit this friday and brought me some eggplant dip and like a dumbass I left it at work. It's probably gone off now.

Shoot. I wish my CDRW worked right. I need new walking music.

The shoes I have for work are cracking in the heel, so I left them at work and I've been wearing my walking sandals, which look oh-so-sexy with my skirt. Creative fashion sense was not birthed by neccessity, that's for sure.

Fuck.

listening to: Conjure One - Manic Star