The eve is fast approaching and it’s time again for everyone's favourite tradition: the resolution. Ok, so perhaps I kid myself when I say it's our favourite, but it seems to be a habit that few of us break. I let it go last year, but this time I think there is some need for a few changes. Lately I've allowed myself to become a bit of a hermit – and that can't keep up, because I seriously miss you people! At first it was because my monetary situation did not allow for much travel – and while it still doesn't, I’m less limited now in what I can do. While that is a lame excuse, it was merely the start of my 'hermiting'. I've been feeling pretty low, if not downright depressed for a long time. Part of that I think is the fact that I no longer have school to go to. I enjoyed that immensely and I miss it. Not to mention that I now have a degree that I can do very little with. At least not without going back. And I can't go back yet because I have these loans. You see this circle that's been chasing itself around in my head for the past year? I feel a little like I'm in limbo. This will be one of my projects this year: to get out of this limbo and back in some kind of direction!

Second, of course, is to actually get into a routine of writing daily. As you can see, I've already started with this one. Even if it's just a blog, I need to get back into this scribbling habit. I've been avoiding it far too much recently.

In fact, I think I've been avoiding a lot of things, but that's another thing altogether.

Regardless of said hermiting and whatever else, I wish everyone a good New Year. I hope double-o seven is far from disappointing - and is in fact filled with good things.

Oh look, it's past noon... only 12 more hours of '06!

listening to: Punk - Ferry Corsten

I saw you on the bus
just before Christmas.
it took me a moment
to recognize the curve
of your lips; your tapered fingers.
you looked so faded,
like gravity was sucking you
into the earth...

I wanted to speak to you.

then, an image of her:
nine-year-old foetal curl
in a stinking stairwell;
you, stepping over her
with panic in your throat.

I closed my mouth.

and good gawd do I need it!

listening to: Ian Van Dahl - Inspiration

BRITAIN IS REPOSSESSING THE U.S.A.

A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America :


In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by thesuffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize'. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

6. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -- roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as Beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent ( i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

John Cleese

"Quarsan, I'm the one who wears the trousers in this household."
"And I'm the one who wears the tracksuit bottoms."
"What I mean is, I'm the one who gives the orders."
"And I'm the one who ignores them."

giggles from: My Boyfriend is a Twat

The cuffs of my jeans are wet again.

It snowed on Monday and now the streets are either still covered in ice (yes, ice) or are running with meltwater. One thing about living here on the island, no one here knows how to deal with snow. People can't drive in it. At all. Monday, the only reason I was able to get to work was because I walked. The buses weren't running at all. A foot of snow in Toronto wouldn't have phased them at all. Silly West Coasters that we are! They may have brought crews over from the mainland to help clear the roads, but the sidewalks are still treacherous as hell. Getting off the bus downtown yesterday required clambering over a ridge of ice, so I dug my feet in and helped the little old ladies off. They scare me, tottering off those buses with their canes and their sensible shoes. You'd think the city would make a better effort to clear the stops in the very least, but noo, a full week later and there's still ice all over the place.

Anyway, I got Tuesday off, which was rather pleasant. Didn't even get out of my pj's.

I've been feeling a cold creep up on me for the last week. Can still feel it, but it's not become a full-fledged run of strep-throat yet. (And I hope it stays that way or goes away)

It has been a loong month. Sadly I have not accomplished everything I set out to do this month, but I have finished a large portion of it; not the least of which was surviving a month pretending to be "the Boss" which is always fun when you're not the eldest, nor the most leadership inclined in a given group. I have learned quite a bit in this last month, not the least of which is that I don't necessarily want to be "the boss" unless it's for something I've started. This place was dreamed up by someone with completely different life goals than mine and I find it hard to fit myself into that. I can do the job. I even understand the job, but I don't have the drive it takes, nor do I have an ultimate grasp of what it takes to make it in this whole sphere. This "buy low, sell high" stuff is a little exhausting. It's manufactured stress, to use a phrase used by Lady J. I have enough of my own already; don't need too much more of it added to my daily burden. It's enough that I'm finally making enough to actually take a stab at getting on top of things. Bloody loans.

On the writing front, I've clearly neglected Nanowrimo almost completely, but I refuse to give up on the story I have going. Those of you with the url look for occasional updates as I force myself to keep at it. (My average word count for this month was a dismal 300 - and not all of it was for the novel.) I feel pretty disappointed with myself, but I knew that this year would be a challenge what with work and all.

In other news I saw M on the bus on the 23rd I think. It was before the snow I know that much.

At first I didn't recognize him. His hair has grown long and it's got all wavy and pale, like he's not seen the light of day for a long time. I imagine that being out in public with that kind of stigma attached to you'd be extremely uncomfortable. Different glasses, dressed all in black and he's gained weight. It was his profile that gave him away - and the way he squinted at me - much like the way I was looking at him, trying to see if it really was him.

Now here's the thing; I wanted to talk to him.

I’ve been feeling that way for about a month – ever since I reread that last letter I sent him. I was very harsh. I believe I felt it was justified at the time, but now I'm not so sure. As screwed up as he is, I really don't want him to kill himself or anything else drastic. But my mother is right, of course. Any guilt I feel at leaving him is minor compared to the hell we'd have put each other through if I'd stayed. He would always be trying to behave and I'd never, ever be able to start trusting him and I'd always afraid to let my guard down, especially if we had a child and extra especially if we’d had a daughter.

Anyway, I didn't get the chance because some old man next to me started telling me about his son, like they do (I must look approachable or something) and I nearly missed my stop because I was trying to be polite. Partly I was glad I didn't have the chance, because I have no idea what I'd say, but on the other hand I wanted to make sure he was ok, as stupid as that sounds...

listening to: Thievery Corporation: Vivid