I have been having the most intense dreams - or rather vivid. The other night I had one where everyone had these strange orange eyes. Even I had them when I looked int he mirror. Felt kinda post-apocalyptic. And last night, I was staying somewhere - at a B&B near a beach. The colours in the sky weren't quite right, steely grey and orange, and the water was stormy. We could see the back of the town, all white and yellow and slightly derelict. I recall going down a corridor to find someone, only to realise they were already gone. The place we were staying didn't have a proper carrot peeler, so I went to one of the markets in the town to find one. I did and took it back, and showed someone how the carrot was actually layered like an onion. We're out on the patio and a storm is coming in. We just watch it come even though there's a good chance it will wash the building away.

Yes, a carrot peeler.

Also: read an amazing book at work - the whole thing, actually. Called Crystallography, by Christian Bök. I could not put it down, or even blink it was that good. I doubt I would have had the same reaction a couple of years ago, but such is the way of poetry books. Anyway, blown away as I was, I have to recommend it. Just walk in with an open mind.

listening to: Collide - Transfer
eating: leftover Chinese from Forum
reading: Wrestling the Angel - Robin Skelton
today's project: floors
feeling: introspective

I have not posted anything meaty for a while, for the simple fact that when I start a post it mostly ends up being some whiny self-absorbed drivel. (This is to say, I'm not dead -yet!) But the fact is I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I may yet convince myself to go check out counseling or something. My tendency for procrastination has reached an all-time high, as have my avoidance techniques. (It took me ten months to get my fucking BCID already. There's a limit.) I feel stretched thin. I feel like everyone is waiting for me to do something like I'm a bug under a microscope: "What will she do now?". I feel like I'm not filling the expectations. I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. I'm supposed to move to Ontario, I'm supposed to move to Vancouver, I'm supposed to go back to school, I'm supposed to be the dutiful partner, I'm supposed to make sacrifices and decisions, I'm supposed to be this, I'm supposed to do that, I'm supposed to, supposed to, supposed to. I've come to hate meeting up with people I've not seen in a while for the simple fact they'll ask that question. You know the one: "what are you doing now?". It makes my gut twist. Sure my answer sounds good. I smile and no one's the wiser, but fuck.

I need to redefine a few things. I am a partner. That means a sharer of things, not someone else's everything. 'Everything' is a pretty tall order, and perhaps an impossible one. I need to refocus a little on me and stop fighting so hard to make things make sense with "we". I think this is probably the core of my inability to ground myself; I have nothing to grab onto. I can't make sense out of him, and so can't place myself in relation. This is not to say I want to change myself to fit, because I can't. I want to find out how we do fit, or not.

We used to.

listening to: Zeromancer - Teenage Recoil
Reading: The Great Hunt - Robert Jordan
eating: gouda and crackers
project for the day: dishes and laundry

A the colours....
one , two ,
three,
four,
five,
six...

Ishtarra: You forted me?
Cerridwen: six ways from sunday.
Ishtarra: oooh!
Cerridwen: And yes I'll have an egg


Dreadangus: NEEDS MORE DRAMA
Ishtarra: For sale: one Jamnord
Maelthra: lalalalalala
Ishtarra: (how's that)
Dreadangus: Finally!
Dreadangus: One Jamnord please!
Ishtarra: what'll you give me for him?
Maelthra: tempting... but training one male at a time takes a lot of time.
Mirishanya: 1cp
Pooryorick: how much do you want for the bird?
Dreadangus: [Hood of Primal Life]?
Ishtarra: tempting
Maelthra: pretty
Ishtarra: very very tempting
Livi: sorry was afk kids were killing each other
Dreadangus: put a tarp down
Ishtarra: ooh, bloodsport in the living room
Maelthra: that's when you get out the duct tape and wrap them all together
Ishtarra: throw in the shipping and handling and we'll call it a deal!
Mandorallen: wish Larth was on :x
Rhavin: sold!
Maelthra: you put them up for sale too?
Ishtarra: You want a Jammy too?
Ishtarra: Dread wanted more drama
Sylvanost: What's the market price for a Jamnord anyways?
Rhavin: Slave labor is hard to come by
Maelthra: apparently [Hood of Primal Life] and shipping and handling.
Pooryorick: where's the best place to farm for one?
IshtarraL heroic instances mostly
Ishtarra: rare drop imo
Dreadangus: I'd shard it personally :x
ishtarra: dang I'm out of water
Livi: I make pots, not water
Ishtarra: a Jamnord is handy for that


Dreadangus: Ah, I look ridiculous!
Livi: You always do.
Dreadangus: Mean :(
Pooryorick: are you wearing lederhosen?
Dreadangus: not yet :x


Rhavin: Question; how on earth to the magic carpets land? No feet!

Labels: WoW Chat funnies

So we had our crazy Canadian thanksgiving yesterday. Well, the day before. I cooked a ham. Yes, that's right. *I* cooked a ham. Mom came up to visit and we ate and played scrabble and polished off a bottle of red wine. Was rather pleasant.

listening to: Paul Oakenfold - Zoo York
Reading - The Great Hunt - Robert Jordan
Eating: Raisin Toast
Goal for today: cleaning out the upstairs locker.