I'm looking forward to this weekend if only for the fact that I can sleep in and dream longer than I am allowed to on weekdays. It's raining and it's making me sleepy.

I have to go back to work tonight and I really don't want to.

edit: This post made me smile.

Hrm... I think I like Jakob Dylan:



Maybe I could be the one they adore
That could be my reputation
It's where I'm from that lets them think I'm a whore
I'm an educated virgin

Sleepwalker, don't be shy
Now don't open your eyes tonight
You'll be the one that defends my life
While I'm dead asleep dreamin'

Cupid, don't draw back your bow
Sam Cooke didn't know what I know
I'll never be your valentine
The sleepwalker in me
And God only know that I've tried

Let me in, let me drown or learn how to swim
Just don't leave me at the window
I could be the one to be your next best friend
You may need someone to hold you

Sleepwalker, take this knife
You may see someone tonight
You'd be the one that saves my life
When I'm dead asleep dreamin'

Cupid, don't draw back your bow
Sam Cooke didn't know what I know
I'll never be your valentine
The sleepwalker in me
And God only know that I've tried

I'm in your movie and everyone looks sad
But I can hear you, your voice, the laughtrack
But you never saw my best scene
The one where I sleep
Sleepwalk into your dreams

Now, sleepwalker, what's my line
It's only a matter of time
Until I learn to open up my eyes
When I'm dead asleep dreamin'

Cupid, don't draw back your bow
Sam Cooke didn't know what I know
I'll never be your valentine
The sleepwalker in me

Now, the sleepwalker in me
Now, the sleepwalker in me
And God only know that I've tried

listening to: The Wallflowers - Sleepwalker
reading: A Companion to Wolves - Sarah Monette and Elizabeth Bear
eating: Stew
feeling: bone-weary, but relaxed
headspace: ready, steady, go (Paul Oakenfold style)
today's project: Month End

apparently this lady and Sarah McLachlan and various others will be playing free downtown on Monday. Happy 150 years BC!

I was going to write... but apparently other things are more important...

We can drive it home, with one headlight... (gawd I love the guitar in this)

After work yesterday I went to the lovely Lindsie's for dinner and guess who else showed up?? Not only Amber and Bill, but NAOMI!! We ate, drank and were merry!

Yesterday I left the house at about ten thirty to go and catch the island bus. It was this bus or the one that left at 7:30am and there was no way I was getting up earlier on a day off than I normally do. Anyway, I get downtown a little early, which was the plan, so I grab a bun from one of the street vendors and sit on a bench to munch it and read some before I hoofed it down to the depot. I took one look at the lineup and thought that perhaps I should have got there a tad earlier. From the rumblings around and about I discovered that the people at the front of the line had been waiting since the early bus. I swear I should write some snitty little thing for the Monday about how, if they had not canceled the 9am run, they'd not have this kind of issue.

So I park myself at the end of the line with my backpack and my book and settle in for the wait, figuring that if I don't get on this one I wasn't going to wait until the 4pm one - I'd just go home, no matter how much I wanted to see my poor kitties. The speakers blare that boarding is about to start, but could anyone bound for Duncan just please step aside to let everyone else on first, thanks? I blink and look sideways at the woman next to me.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" she asks, disbelief in her voice.
"If you heard it and I heard it, I think he did," I say and shuffle off to the side where the people who had been waiting since 7, and about 12 others gathered in a sullen lump. One of the first set was slightly drunk and his girlfriend had one of those voices that carry no matter how quietly she tries to speak.

"This is total bullshit," one of them says and I press my nose further into my book, more interested in the idea that Christopher Marlowe might actually have been a woman, than how pissed off these slightly seedy, overtired wackos were. At one point the bus driver threatened to not let them on the bus if they didn't shut up and the girl got all apologetic, throwing up her arms.
"He's really sorry, I swear to god!"

Eventually they decide that there are enough of us Duncan bound to warrant a whole second bus rather than a cab and we're herded into a 70's upholstered bus with loud orange seats. I finish my book just as we hit the bridge. We beat the original bus.

I mosey over to the city bus-stop that's nearby and snag a schedule from the bus driver that's leaning in the doorway of his bus, drinking a lemonade through a straw and I see that I have an hour and a half until my bus comes. So I went to the Starbucks nearby and got myself a lemonade, sat down on the bench and started my next book.

At one point a little elderly lady arrived but she would not sit on the bench because there was no shade, but she was chatty anyway and told be about how her son was getting married in August and how she had called her grandson to tell him she would be coming, and that she was going to bring her husband with her, even though he'd already passed on. Then she giggled and said

"I thought afterward that instead of an invisible man i should get one of those balloon men and dress him in a tuxedo and bring that with me to the wedding, but my daughter didn't like the sounds of that. I'd better be careful or they'll lock me up for a nut!"

Mom showed up before the bus did. My cats were suitably miffed with me for being away so long, but they tolerated some greeting hugs before mom and I went to check out the beach.

There were two tall ships in the bay shooting cannons at each other as they zoomed around. Judging from the colours, one of them may have actually been the "Bounty" that was used in MGM's Mutiny on the Bounty. I was hoping the other was the "Unicorn" that was used in Pirates, but I don't think it was. However, there was a woman dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow sashaying along the beach demanding rum from the beach-goers.

"But why's the Rum gone?" She was nearly a dead ringer for Depp in the same getup.

The water was delicious. Yes it took me a good ten minutes to get in, but there is nothing, in my mind, nearly so good as floating about in the ocean. I swam out past the swimming buoys and across the the pub dock and around the swim raft and back. I floated, I glided I watched the ships sail past and I watched people drink beer and get tipsy on their pleasure-craft. Two teenage boys cannon-balled off the swim raft and a girl rode an inflatable dolphin back and forth. I think I was in the water for a good hour or more just alternately floating and swimming.

I had forgotten how much heavier one feels when one splashes back out onto the beach.

Then we went for fish and chips at Cow Bay which was yum. Miss Kitten slept with me the entire night, stretched out along my side. I'd forgotten that she snores little kitty snores.

This morning I helped mom pick raspberries and peas from her garden. She gave me some to bring home. I also clipped Cinderella's toenails - or tried. It seem one on her front paw has grown into the pad. There was not a vet in today or I'd have taken her then, but Mom said she would this week. Poor kitty, no wonder she's in a bad mood. Yet another thing to pay for... but then such is life, isn't it?

I had forgotten, as I do, how much of a one-horse town that place is on the weekends. Nothing is open except in the malls, which I think is perfectly respectable.

On my way back home, I came through the grocery store parking lot and because it was so quiet (for a change) I heard this soft tapping sound. I looked up and there clinging to a dead branch on the tree above me was a tiny little downy woodpecker. It always amazes me how wildlife adapts to the urbanization of their world because this little guy was almost close enough for me to reach out and touch. I hope he and the little raptors I've seen don't cross paths.

listening to: Amore part II - Achillea
reading: Mother Aegypt - Kage Baker
eating: fresh raspberries that I picked this morning
feeling: more relaxed
headspace: undersea

On my walk home, I had a whole bunch of things that I was going to write here, but as soon as I got in the door all I could think about was how good a shower would feel and right after that OMFG a Malibu and Pepsi. So I showered and I feel better... the drink is a definite plus, but anything that was blog-worthy in my head seems to have taken a hike. (Probably somewhere in Thermopylae I think, judging from the disconcerting lack of a trail.)

I am eyeball deep in interviews and trying to figure out who I should hire... indignant about the amount of red tape J's getting in regards to his kid... yeah. Brain overload much?

I'm going to go read more Elizabeth Bear...

listening to: John Mayer - Your Body is a Wonderland
eating: pizza
drinking: malibu and pepsi
reading: Elizabeth Bear - The Chains That You Refuse

Valea: Is it just me, or should tailors be able to make hammocks for those occasions when a raid has two trees?

*

Genisus: GOD
Ishtarra: yes?
Arasil: I knew it!

*

Arasil: Aaaah! Born again! Can't keep a good wood down *shifty eyes*
Dreadangus: m-m-m-multiple entendre!

*

Troubleman: I wasn't here!
Arasil: Wait, what are you doing alive?
Ishtarra: Thwarting your plans, obviously.

*

Valea: don't make me unleash a family of squirrels on you!
Arasil: NOOOO!
Arasil: They come to steal my nuts!
Valea: don't think the squirrels will be able to find them
Arasil: engineering squirrels can do anything

*

Arasil: and that's why drugs are bad mmkay
Troubleman: grow more bark!
Arasil: eat my carpenter ants!
Torontogosh: trees ftw

*

Teacka: bringing Arasil back from the dead. Please have a shotgun ready in case of zombie.
Valea: OWNED

Labels: WoW Chat funnies

I'm back.

Kind of. You see, Wednesday morning my computer took a crap - I turned on the monitor to find a black screen and a little white cursor in the top left corner. So I've spent the last few days trying to fix things. So far I seem to be running fine, though the video settings are driving me batshit. There must be little electronic gremlins running around the innards of my machine, giggling maniacally as they cross currents and gum up my frame rates. *shakes fist* Freeping gremlins.

listening to: Andain - You once told me
reading: The Naming - Alison croggon
eating: cherries
drinking: iced tea
today's project: keeping the deck chair in place
feeling: alright

Troubleman: That's mean Ishy, telling a tree to cut down a tree
Ishtarra: I'm a Troll. I'm all about cannibalism.

Arasil: Excuse me, Prales but you seem to be stuck up a horses...uhm...
Prales: Oh, I'm not stuck

Arasil: Huh... I though Larth died because we decided his time was up
Ishtarra: shh!
Nantosuelta: butbut!
Troubleman: giving away channel secrets! You are BANNED!

Troubleman: grr, the game hates me
Ishtarra: boo!
Arasil: It's not just the game...actually
Nantosuelta: take a hint!
Troubleman: Let me sharpen my axe!
Arasil: it helps morale
Troubleman: there will be daily floggings until morale is improved!
Ishtarra: oh really?
Troubleman: /wink
Nantosuelta: yea rly!
Arasil: *gets the big paddle*
Ishtarra: I guess that really depends on who's flogging who!

Labels: WoW Chat funnies

Troubleman: We're gonna have to heal the crap out of Druil
Arasil: Operation meat shield
Arasil: Remember to hide behind the shield...but the keep the shield up... else you become the shield... for more information, stay tuned!
Ishtarra: Dammit! I hate commercials!
Troubleman: eh?
Troubleman: now I'm lost
IshtarraL yeah that was my brain making weird leaps.
Ishtarra: ignore me
Arasil: I got it Ish
Troubleman: but you're a tree
Troubleman: so weird by definition
Ishtarra: oh thanks
Arasil: I'll come back as paper and cut you!

**

Teaka: Dreadangus, by clicking "accept", you, the resurrected, hereby consign your soul to the resurrecter, i.e. me.
Ishtarra: don't do it Dready!
Dreadangus: I should point out that my soul is currently in escrow
Dreadangus: long story short, EBay is a beast.

Labels: WoW Chat funnies

I have tried, for most of the day, to compose something. Anything.

No luck. Well, it's not luck is it? It's the fact that I'm swimming in this black morass in my head. Well, not exactly swimming, since this black goo is hardly liquid enough for that.. its more viscous. Was that a skeleton? Cripes, seems I'm not the only one who's been here.

Work is... well, work. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by some of it at the moment, but I think that once I get the basic things into a routine I can deal with the monkey wrenches better. It just seems these days that everything is breaking. Phone lines, air conditioning, you name it. And then the difficult customers and I am the only one able to do the work. And then I come home and there's still more to do.

J got angry with me last night because I didn't dry the last few things when I did the dishes. Nor did I finish washing the little sticker things for corn on the cob because they are made of that horrible plastic stuff that just holds grease like nothing and I wanted them to soak. He told me he 'felt like a maid' because he had to finish what I started all the time. Normally this would spark an argument. I'd get angry and tell him just how stupid I thought that was or something but I couldn't even summon the energy to retort. In fact I had to try not to laugh. In the face of all the things he says he'll do, and then doesn't it just seemed so bloody ridiculous.

I did ask him how his day was, even though I had told myself I wouldn't because I knew what the answer would be: inevitably something along the lines of "Crappy", "Shitty", or "people are idiots". I'd asked him a few months ago if he could at least try to tell me one positive thing about his day and he was good for about two weeks. I don't understand why the hell it's so fucking hard for him. I can look out this window and see a bird and think how beautiful the bird is - even know while I feel like I'm submerged in sticky blue-black goo. I can even get a thrill out of the word "goo". So when I feel that positive energy my immediate instinct is to share it with him. What happens? Nothing. Maybe a smile, but often the response is forced. Perhaps he does have a lot on his plate, but he's not the only one and I'll be damned if I'm the only one who's going to make any effort here.

I suppose this is part of why I feel like I'm at the end of the rope. I'm the one reading the books and wondering and soul-searching and he's... well. He is. I ask him to talk to me and he tells me things, but it takes forever to drag how he really feels about a situation out into the open. I'm the same way. I know how annoying it is and I've been trying damn hard to be more articulate and forthcoming. It feels like I'm building a bridge halfway through a ravine and the person who's supposed to be building the other half has got completely paralysed by how deep the ravine really is. I know not to offer advice, because it merely infuriates him, and that, for me, is hard because I am a fixer. I can see solutions and my immediate impulse is to help, but sometimes that's not what is wanted. I think this is part of the reason I feel like we talk at cross-purposes. We both think we know what the other wants to hear when we don't. Logically, the next step is to try and listen better, right? Ask questions, and find some semblance of an answer.

I know what I want out of this life. I have goals. I have wants. Some of them are completely selfish and could stand to be amended, but others are essential to my very essence. I have been asking myself how my current circumstances affect those essential things and whether or not I can sacrifice one for the other, or if there are any kind of compromises available.

listening to: Enigma - Silence Must be Heard
reading: Blackbird n Silver - Freda Warrington
word of the day: helotry
drinking: iced tea
feeling: the ozone on my skin

Mediaeval Baebes

thunder and lightening last night rolling over the city and into my bones...

I have always loved this song - and I was convinced this version would suck, but I was so pleasantly wrong.

My day felt very, very long. My feet hurt too, dammit. *snaps fingers* Where is my pool boy to rub my feet and make me martinis? This isn't what I ordered!

anyway, since I haven't the brain to organize an actual post about anything I'll jot down the random thoughts I had today - at least the ones I remember...

People are the sum of their experiences and how their personality reacts to those experiences. It is a matter of choice how each person decides to treat others around them in spite of, or because of, those experiences.

In the end people are just people. In the end no one is any better, or any worse than you are.

I do not believe in boredom. Nor do I believe in "I can't". "I can't" implies a certain amount of "I won't" or simply fear of either the unknown or failure. (I may be forced to amend this, but hey... i did say these were random.) I mean if a guy with no arms can learn to play the guitar then nothing is impossible.

The world still feels uneven beneath my feet.

can hear the fireworks even from here. my ears are ringing.

walked through the park earlier and saw a swallow that had something caught around one of it's feet. it worried me, but there was nothing I could do short of trying to catch him... futile, but still. I smelled all the flowers on the way back because I wanted to find joy in something and managed to fail miserably. Ok that's a bit of a lie, because the flowers and the birds are so fucking innocent one can't help feeling a little joy out of it, especially that robin who'd found a nicely turned plot to listen for worms in, but then I'd turn back to j and something else negative would fall out of his mouth: about the economy or the state of something. apparently everyone's an idiot and everything is going to shit. so many wired and wide-eyed kids downtown, drunk teenagers and people high on life. I sat on the curb while j went to go pee and felt so alone even as swarms of people moved around me. A girl with a glass globe rolling over her hands and arms, people selling glo-sticks, people wearing flags and weird red and white getups, a girl who had painted herself red from head to toe...

came home before the fireworks because we were cold.